I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
