I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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