One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
