Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
