The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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