Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
