Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
