You smell like stripper and shame
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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