I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
