So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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