I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
