I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
