I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
