I just made out with a guy for $7.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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