Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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