If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
