you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
