So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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