What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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