you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
