Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
