sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
