I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
