We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
