Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
