if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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