the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Farmville is her only friend.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
