i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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