I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
