"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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