wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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