I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
