if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
