if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
