Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
