ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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