we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Your dad touched me again.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Houston, we have a squirter
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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