Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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