a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
