Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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