Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
