i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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