I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
