Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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