someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
