You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
