he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
