My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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