Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
