it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dicks are not precious.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
