that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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