brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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