hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize