We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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