what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize