I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
