You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
