So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
