she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
