youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
