I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
