recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
