just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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